I had my first Emotional Breakdown after Decluttering my Hoarded House

A few days ago I had my first emotional breakdown after decluttering my hoarded house.  I felt anxious, depressed and felt alone in the world.  I cried hysterically and called a dear friend from church.  She helped comfort me and gave me great advice.  She’s worked with a lot of addicts.   I am her only hoarder. But the patterns and habits are very similar to addictions.  She explained that this was a good thing because I need to learn a new coping mechanism in place of hoarding.  I explain my heart in this video because I want other hoarders to know that they are not alone.  I also want non-hoarders to understand how we struggle.  Together we can find healing in this mental struggle.

 

Hoarders are NOT greedy people

In this confession I will be explaining the misconception that hoarders are greedy people.  When you see the mass collection of possessions in our home, I can understand why people would assume that.  But it is not greed that triggers that.  I believe greed is someone who needs to attain money, power,  material possessions and will hurt other people in trying to obtains those things.  They can either cheat, hurt or sabotage other people to reach whatever they are after.  Everyone in their way are dispensable.

Hoarding however is triggered by anxiety or depression.  In my case it is anxiety.  The mass collection of possessions was accumulated over years and even decades.  I feel the need to save everything.  So when new things came into my home,  old ones were not going out.  Getting rid of certain things triggers my anxiety into panic attack mode and that’s why I will hold onto it.  Below is the video where I explain a little more in depth:

 

When a Hoarder TRIES the KonMari Method

I decided to get on the bandwagon and try the KonMari Method to clean out my hoard.  I watched enough Tidying Up episodes in Netflix to get the gist of it.  First I have to pull every single item of clothing I own and put it in one spot.  Little did I realize, I have 8 bins worth of clothing plus a closet and drawers that I can FIND.  As I piled my mountain of clothes onto the couch and floor,  I quickly regretted my decision.  This triggered my anxiety to a five alarm panic attack status.  I want to cry, I want to hide, I’m overwhelmed…what do I do with all of this??!! I started picking up each article of clothing asking, does it start joy?  Well you know it does, I’m a hoarder!  I have attached a memory, a story, a purpose to these clothes! This make me happy and I feel safe surrounded by my fortress of crap!  That’s why I still hold onto it all!  The decision making process was torturous as I felt I HAD to get rid of some of my clothes.  I captured the event in this Part 1 video:

Minimalism Game Challenge Week 2

When I was doing week 2 of the Minimalism Game Challenge, I started to feel the pressure of letting go of my stuff.  I have already let go of so much stuff the past few months and now I’m forcing myself to keep up with letting go multiple things every single day!  During these higher days of getting rid of 13 things on day 13 are becoming stressful.  I can feel my anxiety creeping up as I search the house for treasures to discard.  I’m not sure how I am going to make it through week 3 & 4 but I’m going to keep moving forward!  Below is a video of week 2 of the Minimalism Game Challenge!

Hoarded Toy Room Completely Clean!!! Before & After Pictures

Finally!!! After months of clean out of this toy room, it is finally clean!!! This has been an emotional roller coaster with feelings of anxiety and frustration to joy and happiness.  There were days I thought I would never get it done.  But I kept going because baby steps still move you forward.  Another huge part of keeping me motivated was documenting it all on my YouTube Channel.  When you have people watching you and cheering you on, it keeps you cleaning out your hoard.  I realized that short term goals and high accountability gets the best results for any personal achievement.  I am learning to heal from my hoarding mindset.  I have attached the video below so you can see my Before & After photos of my hoarded toy room.

 

Giving less gifts this Christmas is triggering my anxiety

This Christmas I decided to scale back on gift giving and over spending on Holiday experiences.  After finishing all the wrapping,  I saw the amount of gifts I had and it triggered a panic attack.  I am not kidding here, I know it sounds absurd but not giving a lot of gifts this year triggered an anxiety shock inside of me.  I quickly went on Amazon to buy a few more gifts to ease my alarming nerves.  I know that last sentence sounds obnoxious but it’s true.  My love language for showing love is gift giving.  So I show my love by giving the people I love multiple gifts.  The more gifts I buy, the more love I am showing you.  So when I only saw a few wrapped gifts, I panicked because I didn’t want to disappoint any of my loved ones.  I didn’t want them to think I stopped caring about them.  This is how my mind works as a hoarder.  I attach an extreme value to ordinary items.  In this video I share more in depth on my mini Christmas melt down: